The person is trying to "trick" you into saying feminism doesn't acknowledge or help male victims of rape because they're men.
The person is trying to "trick" you into saying feminism doesn't acknowledge or help male victims of rape because they're men.
So if I was only ever raped by a woman, am I a tool of the patriarchy or do I not even exist?
Did anyone ever make those "Is my feminism getting in the way of your misogyny" shirts that were brought up forever ago?
I have nooo idea!
Anyone have any clue???
An Ordinary Girl’s History of Sexual Assault:
After having a conversation about sexual assault/harassment with a friend, we concluded that one of the most frightening aspects of it’s predominance in our society is that it is so engrained that it often happens without either party recognizing it for what it is.
Women are so often left thinking “that guy was a jerk”, but not thinking “that guy just sexually assaulted me and that’s wrong and unacceptable”. In fact, it happens so sickeningly often that it is just a part of living as a woman. It is expected that because I am female, it’s just something that I have to deal with, and that every other woman has to deal with to.
So, to make this point, I am listing all of the times I can remember ever feeling harassed or assaulted sexually. This will only graze the surface of the experiences I’ve really had. They are so frequent that I will only remember a fraction of them.
And remember that I am just an ordinary woman. I am not a special case.
1. When I was in grade 6, I used to talk to a boy who was in grade 9 over msn. We had never met in person - we just knew each other over the internet via a mutual in-person friend. He used to always tell me to go on webcam. Usually we’d talk at night so I would leave for a bit and put my pajamas on, then come back. He’d always tell me to wear this tanktop that was really thin and sort of shear. If I put on something else instead, he’d ask me to wear that specific tank top instead. He was very flirtatious, and I sort of understood what he wanted and was flattered by the attention. It wasn’t until later, reflecting back, when I realized what was really happening and how he had taken advantage of my youth and sexual innocence.
2. Walking down the street in my home town with a friend when I was 12, a car passed us, honking, and a man rolled down his window yelling crude things about our bodies.
3. Walking downtown in my home town with a friend when I was 13, a group of drunk men started whistling at us, telling us to come closer, then started following us for several blocks. We ran to get away because they scared us.
4. In grade seven, a boy I sort of liked and two male friends would ask me over msn if I masturbated, wanting to know if I did and what I would do, wanting me to describe things (conversations that persisted over several days). At first I said that I didn’t because I was uncomfortable admitting that I had before. They made fun of me and said that I was a prude and made me feel ashamed for not having done it. Eventually, feeling embarrassed no matter what I said, admitted that I had actually tried it. The next day at school, the boy that I liked told a big group of people at school while we were both there that I masturbated.
5. In grade seven, a bunch of the boys in my class nicknamed me “pointy tits”. They’d call me pointy, poke at my chest, ask me why my tits were pointy… basically just reduced me to my chest and nothing else. Luckily, it didn’t last too too long.
6. In grade nine, a boyfriend started putting his hands up my shirt. I pulled my shirt back down and shifted away from him. He said “how far have you gone anyway?”. I said “This is the furthest I’ve gone”. He laughed (“Seriously?”), and put his hands back up my shirt and said “well we have to change that”. I said I wasn’t ready, and he ignored it.
7. In grade nine, a boy put his hand down my pants. I told him I didn’t want him to. He said “oh come on. This is for you”. I said, “no, I’m okay. I don’t need anything”. He said “oh yes you do”, and kept doing what he wanted.
8. In grade nine, a boyfriend took my hand and put it down his pants. I was clearly extremely uncomfortable (I had made it clear how uncomfortable I was with many of the things he wanted me to do, so he would have had a pretty good idea that I wouldn’t be okay with this either). He told me to touch him. I hesitated. He persisted. I did what he told me to and he laughed, saying I was bad at it.
9. The same grade nine boyfriend mentioned above asked me to take my pants off for him. I said I didn’t want to. He pressured me, making me feel guilty (don’t you love me? Don’t you trust me?). Eventually I let him take my pants off despite obvious discomfort. He made a derogatory and insulting comment about me being hairy.
10. In grade nine, a guy in grade 13 walked up to me at a party and without saying a thing, grabbed me and started kissing me. He then took my hand and started pulling me away, outside, down a road, started putting his hands down my pants and kissing me. I hadn’t indicated that I wanted any of this, but I was so uncomfortable and young that I didn’t know how to say no.
11. On the same night and at the same party as #10, a different grade 13 guy walked up to me and started making out with me and touching me without having said a word. I didn’t even know who he was.
12. In grade nine, a boyfriend was pushing me to do sexual things with him and I was telling him that I didn’t want to. He said, “you know, you’re really lucky that you’re with me.” I asked what he meant. He said “because anyone else would have broken up with you already”.
13. Later on in high school, I was at a party in a room with a girl I was seeing at the time. We were kissing. Guys kept trying to get in to the room to ask to join, ask us to kiss in front of them, and to watch.
14. When I was first coming out as gay while in high school, a guy told me that I “just needed the right dick”.
15. In first year university, I was at a party with my girlfriend. I was feeling sort of sad. I walked up to her and hugged her. She held me for a moment. Some guy from across the room started yelling “oh fuck, are you lesbians?! Make out for me!”. I turned around and told him to fuck off. He said “whoa, calm down. Don’t be such a bitch”.
16. There have been countless other occasions where I have been walking with a female partner (usually just on a street, holding hands) and men have honked, ogled, asked us to do things for them, etc. Every single time I react with anger because, really, fuck them. I am not a lesbian for their entertainment. And almost every time they will respond by calling me a bitch.
17. This past summer, I was at a bar with a girl I had just started seeing. We were dancing together. Some guy started ogling, cheering at us to dance for him and how hot it was. I flipped him the bird.
18. Two months ago, I was at at bar. Some guy was staring at me for a long time. I tried to ignore it although it was starting to get uncomfortable. He eventually walked up and pulled me towards him. I looked at him, smiled, and said, “No, thanks”. Then I turned around and kept dancing with my co-workers/friends. He left. He came back shortly afterwards and tried to get me to dance with him again. I said “No thanks” again. He said “why not?” While thinking to myself how I shouldn’t have to justify myself, I replied with, “I’m gay so there really isn’t any point in you trying”. Then he accused me of lying about my sexual orientation. I assured him that I was serious, getting pretty annoyed. He said “well no offense but you’re pretty hott for a lesbian. Most lesbians are pretty ugly”. Then I explained to him in a fairly patient but assertive way as to precisely why that was offensive. He tried to justify himself by restating that he wasn’t calling me ugly - just other lesbians ugly. I walked away.
19. There have been several occasions, especially throughout the last few years, where at a bar or club, men will grab me without my consent. I will tell them I’m not interested, and they will demand an explanation/become angry with me.
20. In second year university, a guy was hitting on me in front of his friends. I told him I was gay and not interested. He and his friends kept telling me that I just needed the right guy and to just give the one guy one kiss. (Just one kiss! What’s the harm?!)
Join this movement, is you are able, write down and share your experiences of sexual assault. Make it known to the world all the ways women experience sexual assault. This needs to end, women and their bodies are not sexual objects.
Just discovered this blog (five minutes before needing to leave for class, damn it). Archive-binged. Ran into a discussion on gendered insults. Question: I'd like to use fewer gendered insults, but as A LOT of insults are gendered, it really limits the number of insults you can use. We should make some new ones. Corgi suggestions?
Marie actually has a list of gender-free insults somewhere on her blog, I believe!
submitted by gatheringfingers
[head of a corgi infront of a blue and pink background, text above reads “the word feminism means female supremacy”, bottom text reads “because ‘mens rights’ sounds so egalitarian”]
I LOVE THIS BLOG IT IS SUCH AN INSPIRATION also i have a corgi!! kindred spirits through feminism and corgis
…and if my male pal doesn’t figure this out soon we’re not going to be cool anymore. This is the kind of thing that makes me resent my breasts. Job well done again, patriarchy.
Submitted by Annie
[head of a corgi on alternating pink and blue background, text above reads “just because i’m a corgi”, bottom text reads “doesn’t mean i don’t get to define my own gender”]
i <3 this tubmlr. and defining my own gender. both of those things
submitted by Annie
[head of a corgi on alternating pink and blue background, text above reads “thanks for your order mrs…”, bottom text reads “IT’S MS”]
because i get this ALL THE TIME - people can’t accept that just because i’m married doesn’t mean i’m MRS.
i saw something about men being oppressed, and I wanted to comment: There has been a serious rise in the objectification of men in American society in the past few decades; because so many corporations are afraid of seeming anti-female, they advertise by directly insulting men with hurtful generalizations. Take the commercials of women coming home from work to find that their husband wrecked the house, because he doesn't know how to clean, cook, or take care of the kids. just a thought!
Also- Men are not “oppressed” as blatantly as women are, partially because it’s built into american society. (i have a sister who plays lacrosse, and they just won a championship and it wasnt NEARLY as recognized as the men’s.) The pressure that women face to look like girls on TV and in magazines, men feel that same pressure too though! and if they dont they probably dont care, there are women who dont care! The USA is a seriously messed up place homie
Thanks for this message.
Yep our society punishes men with generalizations and whatnot. Keep in mind these corporations are generally run and operated by men.
Cleaning commercials consistently show women doing all the housework and rolling their eyes at their incompetent husbands for making messes. But are men really losing out here as much as women are? Women are still in reality doing the majority of the housework because of social influences like the commercial you’re talking about, and men are getting off free and doing statistically less child and household care. It’s gotten a lot better in the last few decades but still isn’t optimal.
Women are often overlooked in the sector of sports as demonstrated with your sister’s experiences, for sure.
Of course men feel pressure, I don’t think anyone’s denying that :)
And yeah American is messed up… thank god I’m up here in Canada
while the word "gay" has adopted a negative connotation over time (from merely meaning "happy" to meanings like "stupid") the word hysterical, while deriving from a latin root that ties back to references to the womb, no longer contains the same meaning. it now means "uncontrollably emotional," and while the derivation may be from a sexist perspective, its modern connotations are not limited to women, and it's commonly used to describe any gender.
Whatever. I’m over this debate. Everyone is saying different things and negating each other and nothing meaningful is coming out of this topic. Some people think it’s sexist, some don’t, and the folks that’s don’t find it sexist cannot find it within themselves to empathize with those that do find it sexist.
I’m not posting anymore things about this as it’s going nowhere.
For nevertrustanazgul: the meaning of the word "gay" has certainly changed several times over the past century, but the word "hysterical" continues to be nothing but negative. It has never been a good thing, or even a neutral thing, though we may have forgotten on some level that originally it was meant to only apply to women, it still largely describes women as "over emotional" and is meant to keep them down.
If you find the term hysterical oppressive, please at the very least have the respect not to wear a wedding ring. Wedding rings were originally used in order to label a woman as their man's, they were used to tell other men that the woman was not available to other men, and it kept the woman as a possession. It was used like a dog pissing on a tree to mark its territory.
CONT: Not an opinion, a statement. Such as stating “I’m eating chips” would be a statement. As I’ve said, I didn’t mean it in an offensive manner, as I have already stated. I’m merely saying that the modern connotations of the word differ from the offensive ones some of you seem to be being subjected to. Another follower stated pretty much what I am in “it’s more to do with the intent of the person using that word”. Hysteria no longer a widely used SEXIST term, merely an OFFENSIVE one. I’m not ridiculing anyone for it. I’m simply saying that the ways in which people have been abused with it here haven’t had it used in a deliberately sexist way, from what I can see (my apologies if that’s false), but instead the term has been used in a deliberately offensive way
It’s incredibly funny you ask that since I do not personally believe in engagement rings or weddings rings; do I have your “respect” yet? Do I “respect” myself enough yet? Your judgmental attitude is unnecessary and condescending, as well as assumptive. You don’t know anything about me or the people on this blog that find oppressive language to be harmful. You also don’t know other people’s reasons for choosing to wear wedding and engagement rings and you should not treat them as lesser than if they choose to do so.
You “not meaning” for something to be offensive does not mean you are free from criticism when you say something people find offensive. The word hysteria is clearly sometimes used in a sexist way, sometimes it isn’t. Why do you insist on treating people as though they are over reacting if they find the word offensive? Why do you get the last say on how the word should hurt or not hurt people?
Furthermore, if it is “just an opinion”, that does not mean it’s not mean or wrong, especially if that “opinion” is adopted by the masses, in where it becomes social norm, because “OPINIONS!”. You do not get a free pass because it’s an opinion. Opinions hurt (see: homophobes, heterosexists, racists, ableists, etc etc).
Cute, because you're the ones all kicking off about the word. I'm just correcting a blinkered view, as an English student studying the development of the language, and a Classics student studying Women's roles in ancient Greece, I thought it necessary.
You think studying English and language makes your thoughts correct on oppressive language? Alright.
Your opinion is not necessary when, as you read from others that have told stories on this blog, they have been silenced by the use of the word and personally find it sexist.
If you’re not offended by it, fine. Move on. Don’t dismiss how others feel because of language, and don’t ridicule them for it.